Let’s talk set backs for a minute. Setbacks happen. The end.
No just kidding, setbacks take a huge toll on your heart and mind. I know that any time something would hinder my growth and development I would torture myself with negative self talk. I would beat myself up and bring myself down. That one setback, wether it be from an existing injury or lifting too much weight at the gym, can be detrimental to your mental health..if you allow it to be. Anything can and will be if you allow it to have that power over you.
Let me ask you a few questions. If your friend/ lover/ family member told you that they thought that they were ugly, what would you say? You would probably tell them to stop saying things like that about themselves, right? What if they said that they hated themselves, well you would probably want to help them figure out why they are feeling that way and help them to find happiness.
Then why do you talk about yourself that way? Believe me it has taken years of loving myself for who I am at this moment in time to be able to see the error of my ways. Why not love yourself more? I know this may sound selfish, but ask yourself this. How can you adequately take care of the people that you love if you are torn and broken down? How can you love someone if you don’t first love yourself?
it’s important to take these things into consideration when you are experiencing setbacks. It’s very easy to feel bad and down about yourself when you have a goal/ image in your mind of how you want to look or feel. Ultimately finding the resolve within your self to feel okay with where your body is at and the goal will come . There is no magic pill that will turn your body into what you want it to be. Realizing that it’s a life style change is how you will get to where you want to be. When you add injury on top of having a poor mindset about yourself, it is a recipe for disaster.
The goal is to understand that your body is going through a lot right now and that’s okay. Set small goals for yourself and even if u can’t hit the gym that day be okay with what you have accomplished and always continue forward!
Peace for now!
Last weekend I was cleared (by my physical therapist) to start going on “baby” hikes. The news was like music to my ears. I have been “stuck” in my house or at my desk for months now! Slowing gaining weight here and there, drinking a few too many beers to cope with painful nights. So as disturbed as I was at my physical appearance I was not suppressed. For an outdoor loving, adventure seeking gal not being able to go on walks (or runs!) is one of the most crushing things about being injured, and this is my 6th…yes I said 6…surgery on my knee. I am only 27 and my last surgeon was rather…impressed, for lack of a better word.
My fiancé and I went to Hells Gate State Park. It’s known to be an infamous spot where Lewis and Clark passed through on their journey to the west. The beautiful Snake Rive runs through it and large bluffs tower over! It was the best way to spend a Saturday Afternoon. So after packing a fast picnic we headed out. Though we spent most of our time out in our Subaru, the small half mile hike was just what I needed. All the reasons why I love the outdoors came rushing back and I found myself wanting to run through the grass and roll down the hills – but I had to control myself. So after sitting and having a small picnic lunch we headed back. To me it was not important how many miles I hiked that day, but rather to gain the insight in Knowing what I want and to work hard for it.
peace for now
Over the last week I have started physical therapy and gotten my stitches out! These are huge milestones in my journey. Not only has it been 2 and half weeks after surgery but I am starting to walk normally. For those of you that have never had to go a long period of time limping around, this is very exciting! I am finally starting to feel good about my knee and about my future. Its hard to let go of the past and to forgive yourself, but I feel like I am finally there. I am finally believing in my journey and that maybe somethings are meant to be. There is a light at the end of this long and dark path and this is the most hopeful I have felt in years. When I finally told myself that I am worth it, that i deserve to be happy, i actually started to believe it. This is not something that happens over night or even after a few weeks. I have been trying to find myself and that inner child for years and somehow I have found her. Maybe it was the 4 month road trip or the move to Idaho or possibly having to need this 6th surgery (that was a complete fluke). It has helped me realize that there are so many things in life that you can not control and you just have to roll with the punches and it not the amount of time that you spend on the ground after being knocked down but rather how you get up and try again. It’s that belief in yourself that is the game changer. When I decided that I needed to take care of me everything else is just following suit. I have such a long way to go and not only in just healing my knee once and for all but in physical appearance and in my education. I have finally decided to take my life by the horns. I know what I am worth and capable of. It’s now up to me to show the world. You only have one life, I want to live my best life.
Its easy to quit, its easy to take the short cut. Its hard to dig deep within yourself and to look your fear in the eyes. I use to think that I was special or that no one could ever relate to the struggles I have been through. The reality is that there are so many people on this planet that it’s almost mathematically impossible for that to be the truth, there is someone out there who can relate to my struggle or to yours. I just hope that this finds someone out there and that they know, your are never truly alone, you just have to let people in and you have to trust in yourself. When you are willing to do that you can change your life. I know I am trying and its not easy, if it were easy then everyone would do it. Be the change.
When I was about 19 years old I experienced my first knee injury. My then boyfriend (now husband to be) were hiking up an canyon wall and while descending I fell, large boulders tripped my feet and toppled over me. The subsequent injury has haunted me for 8 years. It seems like the most inconsequential things have harmed me, a simple twist the wrong way while at work, tripping over my beloved dog or in the latest episode- sleeping- Things in life don’t always seem fair, I often wonder ‘why me?’ but after years of this torturess mindset I have found that if I allow pain and unhappiness to follow me it will become my life. It’s up to me to rise up against the feelings of sorrow and take back control of my life. There is no rhyme or reason to injury it just happens and I have to deal with the aftermath. It is easy to sit back and play the victim. It is even harder to accept responsibility for my own actions leading up the ‘event’. I have never fully accepted that it was my fault for the things that have happened to me. It was much easier to blame the icy sidewalk or the bike for my injury. When in reality If I was careful in the first place and was mindful of my surroundings I might have been fine.
The point is, that life throws you curve balls and sometimes you don’t always catch it and that fine. If you take it as a lesson, something to be learned from then who is to say it ever has to happen again? The biggest lesson for me to learn is that exercise and physical therapy never stop just because they release you. It’s the time that you spend at home, on the days where you really don’t want to, those are the days where you find out what you are made of.
I am turning over a new leaf, a new mindset. If I believe I will be strong: I will be. My leg has to become a leg of steal and so does my mind. I want to be able to go on long hikes again and rock climb; As a victim I could never achieve that but as a determined young woman..I will!
Sinks Canyon Wy-2010
Nature never stops growing, so why should I?
The knee today-2018
Florida, St. Augustine
National Parks, Mt Rainier
U Of I
Our cross country road trip from our home in FL to new life in ID 🙂
Hi, my name is Casie and I just had my 6th knee surgery. I am writing from the comfort of my bed and trying desperately to knock some of the swelling down. Injury is a hard thing to overcome regardless of if it’s your first time or 6th. I am an athlete at heart but I have hardly had the chance to hone in any skills due to the frequency and duration of this knee injury. I have so many things that i want for my life but I have allowed myself to play the role of a victim. It is such an easy character play, I mean you never take responsibility for you actions because you can blame someone or something else and you ‘set’ goals for yourself that you never actually reach. Well, I am finally ready to take the blame. The blame for every damn surgery, for every PT that i skipped out on, for the junk that i put into my body that causes me to be overweight and unhappy. I have “tried” so many times to get healthy and to be fit, launch a business and go to school. It’s time to stop wasting my own time and get down to what actually matters. Living life to its fullest. I invite you to join me on this mission of healing and not only healing that injury that has being tagging along for the last 10 years but to heal the heart and the mind. I don’t yet have a plan, but i have goal and that is the best starting place!